


Absolution

by roane



Category: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ahch-To, Family, Forgiveness, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 13:31:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13077891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roane/pseuds/roane
Summary: “Neither one of us ever felt worthy of you, you know.” Luke’s trying to smile at her, a shadow of the boyish smile she’d once known.“That’s because you weren’t,” she sniffs. “But I needed you anyway.”





	Absolution

**Author's Note:**

> My Skywalker twin feels might well be at an all time high. Lots of movie spoilers.

Leia knows exactly where Luke was when he left them, but that’s not the place she wants to see. Rey and Chewie help her up all those steps—after her close call, she’s never quite fully recovered her strength—and near the end Chewie picks her up and carries her. It says something about her new limitations that she doesn’t argue.

She doesn’t remember much about being on the bridge, or after. She remembers cold—terrible, searing cold—and she remembers her anger. An overwhelming feeling of _damn it, I’m not done yet._ That feeling keeps pushing her on now, but she can tell that feeling won’t last forever. Since the bridge, she has the feeling that her time from here on out is borrowed.

And here is she is, using some of it to look around this strange little island that had been Luke’s home for years. It’s easy to tell which of the huts was his, and she goes into it. Rey and Chewie stay outside without her having to ask them.

The hut is dark and cramped and utterly spartan. There is nothing that isn’t entirely utilitarian, no hint of warmth or personality. It’s a prison cell. 

“Oh _Luke_ ,” she murmurs. She came here hoping for more information. In the short time they were together—oh, she knew he wasn’t really there, but it was enough—he still didn’t give her the full story. There wasn’t time. 

“I never was much for decorating.” 

Leia turns around and Luke is sitting on his narrow bunk, limned in blue light. She sits beside him. He looks older than he did when she saw him last—that was one way she knew the Luke on Crait was an illusion; he hadn’t aged at all. “You had a hard time making yourself at home, no matter where we went.”

“Not enough sand,” Luke says, with equal parts laughter and tears in his voice. “Just couldn’t get settled without it.”

If Leia knows that ‘sand’ isn’t what made Tatooine home, she keeps it to herself. “Luke... why? We _needed_ you.”

He doesn’t answer her right away, but those eyes weigh so heavy on her, as if he’s trying to communicate the burden he’s lived with all these years. “It was after the news about our father came out. Ben was angry at first, accused me of lying to him, but... I thought he was past it. He wanted to know all about his grandfather, and I encouraged it... until I realized he was much more interested in Darth Vader than in Anakin Skywalker.”

“Him and the rest of the galaxy,” Leia says dryly.

Luke stays quiet again, and doesn’t smile at her comment. “I saw him. I saw what he could become. I knew that there was someone else there, influencing him, and that someone else was winning.”

“Snoke, I know. Did you see Kylo Ren? Did you see what would happen with—with Han?” Leia wanted so badly to reach for his hand, but there was nothing physical there to touch. 

“Not… not that clearly. I saw that, if he stayed on his path, he would do terrible things.” Luke’s eyes gleam now, and something about that is particularly awful, the idea that one might still shed tears after death. “I tried to kill him, Leia. He was sleeping, he _trusted_ me, and I—” He shook his head. “But I couldn’t do it.”

“Luke—”

He raises a hand to stop her. “He woke up and saw me. Before I could talk to him… well, that’s when the destruction of the temple began.” Now he isn’t looking at her, won’t look at her. “It’s my fault. Everything that happened. I was so terrified of the Dark Side, so uncertain of my own abilities as a Jedi and a teacher… and I let that weakness drive me to consider the unthinkable. And that was the final push that drove Ben to the Dark Side.”

“Unthinkable?” Leia can’t help but smile a little. “Luke, he was my son, do you know how many times I wanted to kill him?”

“Not literally.”

Leia raises an eyebrow. “You’ve clearly never been a parent.” Now she does reach for him, because even if she can’t really touch him, she needs that gesture. She feels a bit of warmth, and that warmth wraps itself around her hand as Luke’s ghost seems to take her hand. “Luke… what you did was terrible, yes, but not unforgivable. Can you imagine how much better the galaxy might have been if someone like you had seen Sheev Palpatine’s future when he was a young man, and reacted as you did? Do you think I haven’t wished I could go back in time and do just that to _him_ , prevent the entire Empire?”

“Leia—”

It’s her turn to raise a hand to stop him. “Yes, I absolutely did just compare my son to Emperor Palpatine. I know you believe he might still save himself. I hope that he will. Force knows _Rey_ hopes he will.” She shakes her head, smiling slightly. “But I… I can’t spend the rest of my life waiting for that. The time I have left is too precious for that, and there’s too much else to be done.”

“I’m so sorry. Han and I… neither of us ever should have left you.”

“You’re damn right you shouldn’t have.” The anger in her voice surprises her. “A couple of moon jockeys, both of you, too caught up in feeling guilty for what happened to step up and start trying to fix it.”

“Neither one of us ever felt worthy of you, you know.” Luke’s trying to smile at her, a shadow of the boyish smile she’d once known.

“That’s because you weren’t,” she sniffs. “But I needed you anyway.”

“I know. And I failed you. I will never stop regretting that.” The warmth around her hand increases, becomes pressure, the sensation of skin against skin. They sit that way quietly. Finally Luke says, “Han says the same. He’s here, but he can’t come through.”

Leia’s throat tightens. “Tell him… tell him… oh never mind. He knows.” She draws a careful breath. “I think I’ll see you both before long.”

“Leia, no.”

“I’m afraid you don’t get a say in this. Neither do I. It’s all right. Our time is past. It’s time to leave the galaxy in younger, more capable hands.” She smiles, glancing at the hut door. “They’ll do well, I think.”

Luke is smiling when she looks back to him, although he, too, is looking toward the door. “She knows I’m here, you know. I’m surprised she hasn’t had Chewie knock down the door.” He pauses. “Again.”

“You should speak to her.”

He sighs, an audible sound, strange from someone who doesn’t need to breathe. “I should, yes. I owe her a few apologies as well.”

“Yes, you do. I heard about how you behaved.” Leia stands up. “I’ll send her in.” She squeezes the phantom hand twined with hers, then lets it go. “Luke… I never blamed you. Not for anything. The only way you hurt me was by not being there when I needed you. But I understand why, now.” She leans down and places a kiss where his forehead should be. “I’ll see you soon.”

“I hope not.” Luke says, smiling.

“We’ll see.” Leia walks to the door and glances back once. She can see the love and pride in Luke’s eyes before she turns and walks back out into the sunshine.


End file.
